![]() ![]() Veronica Osorio is the evil drug queenpin. It’s a pun! Daniella Pineda, on the back of an equine hybrid, stars as a woman who must defend her family, which has been pressed into drug smuggling. One man dares to fight his way through an inability to steer. It’s a metaphor! Don’t worry about it! Tesla The Koyaanisqatsi of the franchise, this is simply a meditation on American landscape from the upper troposphere, as a sky-prison slowly deflates. Why is it an octagon! What the hell is going on? Why is the sky so full of things? Dirigible ![]() Right now, a million producers are pitching something, anything, about a flying octagon. Hmm, that tagline needs some workshopping. Train: He’ll train capitalist dirtbags to have some respect or at least not annihilate entire towns. But have we ever seen a burly rail worker and a union shop steward face down an evil corporation intent on poisoning an entire town in Ohio? It’s time. We’ve sweated on Pelham 123 and eaten crickets on the Snowpiercer. But what happens after Ship? Sure, this franchise has legs - but it’s also got wheels. The opening gambit of Ship is itself a spoiler, but it’s safe to say that someone who gets off the island clearly does so by boat-oriented means. It will star the immense and immensely handsome Mike Colter, who has only been hitting the gym since his Lemond Bishop days. And, because this movie rocks, we’re getting a sequel, Ship. Gerard Butler has also never looked hotter. We’ve got everyone from a Chinese New Zealander Kung Fu black belt to a Swedish Indian Victoria’s Secret model. It’s a surprisingly gritty movie! You realize watching it how overproduced and stylized most action movies are, as Brodie (Butler) and his new friend, accused murderer Louis Gaspare (Mike Colter), sweat and bleed their way to freedom with a hot and talented (and international-box-office-appealing) cast of dozens. In it, a Scottish pilot - an extremely haggis-y Gerard Butler - successfully crashes a plane into a very contested part of the Philippines and must fight his way out to save his passengers. Photo: Kenneth Rexach/Lionsgate/Kenneth Rexach/Lionsgate Daniella Pineda, Gerard Butler, and Yoson An? My heart takes flight. ![]()
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